[So they hadn’t arrived when Khaenri’ah fell, the arrived before. But only his sister had apparently witnessed the place in its glory and its fall. If that was the case, then he supposed he could understand why she would be made their princess and de facto leader.
With the fall of the Dynasty, there was no ruler anymore. So, they would need a new one. But what about Aether’s sister made her be the prime candidate? Actually, the fact that she wasn’t originally Khaenri’ahn would easily mean she can’t fall to the curse so he supposed that would make the answer obvious. But there had to be more to it than that, not all of the Abyss Order were mindless monsters.
Kaeya shook his head and took a deep breath.]
That’s certainly a lot to think about. But if she’s firmly on the side of Khaenri’ah, then what threat would my being Khaenri’ahn pose? Being part of the Knights aside.
I wouldn't call it a threat. But-- like I said, she's missing part of her memory. The last thing she remembers is... what happened after that.
When we tried to leave, but were stopped by a god who called herself the "sustainer of heavenly principles".
[The powerful being who appeared for only an instant at the end of his dive into Aether's soul. With a title like that, just who could it be?]
I was captured and sealed away. I lost all of my original powers, and... spent the next 500 years trapped in a nightmare. But Lumine... I don't know what happened to her. But whatever happened changed her enough to where... when we finally did meet again on Teyvat, she didn't even look happy to see me.
[The way he so quickly glosses over what he was subjected to in that time isn't unintentional. Because for him, none of it compares to how much it hurt to finally find Lumine, only to be brushed off.]
[He's been holding himself together so far, but this-- this causes a tremble to his voice, as his hands tighten into fists.]
I don't want her to remember any of it. Maybe it's not the right thing to do, to keep it from her, but I... I can't lose her again.
[Kaeya chanced shifting closer to Aether and gently pulling him in. He sighed heavily, not entirely sure how to answer that. Yes, he remembered odd looking woman in the soul dive, although he didn't know who that was. He did remember that her eyes were much like his own but as Khaenri'ah had no god, he didn't think there was much of a connection. At least, he had nothing to go off of right now and it was the least of his concern right now.]
I once said, during the lowest point of my life, that Teyvat was truly fascinating. And I didn't mean that in a good way.
[Regardless of where his allegiance lied, one thing was still pretty clear. Khaenri'ah's fall was an incredible tragedy that should not have happened. Perhaps it would have fallen on its own due to Gold and her Khemia, but with the gods intervening as well...
There was just a lot to unpack there and even he didn't know the complete story given how young he was when he learned of it. The rest of his days having been filled with much more happiness than he could have ever hoped for once he was taken in to the Ragnvindrs.]
[It says a lot that the moment he's given the chance, he leans into Kaeya, allowing himself a deep breath to calm down. This is something he's worried about ever since he finally convinced himself that Lumine was, in fact, really here. It took about a day to accept that he wasn't just dreaming.]
[But to think this happiness could still be ripped away from him someday, like waking from a dream... he doesn't know if his heart could handle that.]
I'm not asking you to avoid her. I don't think that would be possible anyway. And-- I don't want to lose you, either.
[Since realistically, taking Lumine somewhere far away in the land of Nippon where he'd never see his friends from Teyvat again is really the only means he'd have of ensuring she'd never remember. But just the thought of that is too sad to seriously consider.]
Just... I don't know if she ever would, but if she ever asks... if her memories ever start coming back... don't say anything about it to her. Not about Khaenri'ah, or the Abyss Order, or... anything they're involved with.
The only reason I remembered finding her on Teyvat at all is because I was talking about her with someone. And the memories just suddenly came back to me, as if I had gone and come back from Teyvat and experienced all that lost time in an instant. If that happened to her... I wouldn't even know what to expect.
Aether, I wouldn't have told you if I hadn't gone into your soul and revealed what I did. Lumine won't be told simply because I can't trust her enough to give her that privilege.
[He said it matter of fact, it was the truth. He may have been accused a lying a lot in his life, especially when that in itself was a truth, but he knew went to be honest. When it benefited him rather than hindered him. It may hurt Aether's feelings to know that Kaeya would have continued on with his secret for some time yet, but it was to also give context.
Aether didn't need to ask him to not talk about Khaenri'ah or the Abyss Order because he generally wouldn't.]
[Kaeya let his own hand rest back on the ground behind him, leaning back. The motion had been enough to tell Kaeya what Aether likely felt now. So, he kept his hands to himself and didn't make another move.
The truth hurt and this is why he rarely told it. Either he hurt himself or he hurt others. He hated this, but what Aether was saying was something that he couldn't let Aether believe.]
You can't. And it will be much worse for you if she finds out you intentionally tried to keep it from her.
...so what should I do? Tell her everything-- and risk forcing her to remember 500 years of loneliness and pain?
[The words are-- half-hearted. It's not like he disagrees with Kaeya, after all.]
If the end result is going to be losing her either way... then I'd rather it be while protecting her from something painful. Even if it means lying to her.
[Because he truly didn't know. Kaeya had the same predicament not four years ago when Crepus died and he decided to come clean to his brother. What he did had consequences. He could have continued on with the lie, only to be found out later and disowned by Diluc or come clean and get disowned by Diluc. Despite their recent truce, Kaeya wasn't sure if the result would have been any different had he waited until Diluc had enough time to grieve.
Aether was going to have to figure out when and if he can tell Lumine.]
But it sounds like you've made your decision. Just be prepared for the inevitable. Besides, the secret your keeping is not quite like mine, I'm sure she'll understand.
[Kaeya didn't need to look to see that his own had gone back to the normal deep blue. So much for a date, even if he had been half-joking about that.
He nodded, but he didn't rise from his spot. He lifted his hand in a wave, a smile on his face that didn't reach his eyes and was at fake as all could be. His usual mask for a time like this.]
See you.
[If he was certain a bar was still open, Kaeya would probably go get himself a drink or three. As it were, he stayed where he was.]
[As Aether makes his way back, boarding the train back to where he's been temporarily staying with Lumine, he plays their conversation in his head over and over again, trying to figure out when it went wrong. It was the very start, wasn't it? When Aether said he already knew of Kaeya's heritage. Or was it when he mentioned Lumine's missing memories? Or maybe the conversation was just doomed from the start?]
[Maybe he should have never opened up about himself at all--]
[The pain that surges through his chest is so sudden and so painful, that he doesn't even realize that he was screaming. It felt like his heart was being torn in half, and in an instant, he's flat on his back as concerned passengers circle around him to ask if he's okay. But just as quickly as it struck, it was over. And all Aether was left with was a distinct emptiness in heart.]
[Ah... he knows this feeling. That's twice now he's severed a bond in Nippon. He really wasn't very good at this, was he?]
[He picks himself and dusts off his clothes. And then quietly makes his return to their room, falling into bed and into a dead sleep.]
[Kaeya hadn't yet moved from his spot still. Instead, he had taken to lying down on the grass and looking up at the stars. The train ride was going to suck going back, so he would probably just need to find an inn that was still open. Maybe he could crash at Venti's dorm?
He sighed, his mind still wandering back to the conversation instead of the intended distraction he wanted. This was the very reason he hated telling the truth. Someone always got hurt. Usually himself, but this time it was Aether and--
Kaeya abruptly curled up, clutching his chest as the pain struck him hard with a sharp cry. But, it seemed to end almost as soon as it began, leaving a horrible emptiness behind.
He didn't understand what had happened, as this was the first time a bond had broken with him. But he had a feeling it had to do with Aether. He carefully uncurled himself, flopping back onto the grass. The stars blurred as tears welled up as well and he cursed.
He had a call to make, he wasn't going to be able to go back home like this.]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
With the fall of the Dynasty, there was no ruler anymore. So, they would need a new one. But what about Aether’s sister made her be the prime candidate? Actually, the fact that she wasn’t originally Khaenri’ahn would easily mean she can’t fall to the curse so he supposed that would make the answer obvious. But there had to be more to it than that, not all of the Abyss Order were mindless monsters.
Kaeya shook his head and took a deep breath.]
That’s certainly a lot to think about. But if she’s firmly on the side of Khaenri’ah, then what threat would my being Khaenri’ahn pose? Being part of the Knights aside.
no subject
When we tried to leave, but were stopped by a god who called herself the "sustainer of heavenly principles".
[The powerful being who appeared for only an instant at the end of his dive into Aether's soul. With a title like that, just who could it be?]
I was captured and sealed away. I lost all of my original powers, and... spent the next 500 years trapped in a nightmare. But Lumine... I don't know what happened to her. But whatever happened changed her enough to where... when we finally did meet again on Teyvat, she didn't even look happy to see me.
[The way he so quickly glosses over what he was subjected to in that time isn't unintentional. Because for him, none of it compares to how much it hurt to finally find Lumine, only to be brushed off.]
[He's been holding himself together so far, but this-- this causes a tremble to his voice, as his hands tighten into fists.]
I don't want her to remember any of it. Maybe it's not the right thing to do, to keep it from her, but I... I can't lose her again.
no subject
I once said, during the lowest point of my life, that Teyvat was truly fascinating. And I didn't mean that in a good way.
[Regardless of where his allegiance lied, one thing was still pretty clear. Khaenri'ah's fall was an incredible tragedy that should not have happened. Perhaps it would have fallen on its own due to Gold and her Khemia, but with the gods intervening as well...
There was just a lot to unpack there and even he didn't know the complete story given how young he was when he learned of it. The rest of his days having been filled with much more happiness than he could have ever hoped for once he was taken in to the Ragnvindrs.]
I can't promise that we won't meet, Aether.
no subject
[But to think this happiness could still be ripped away from him someday, like waking from a dream... he doesn't know if his heart could handle that.]
I'm not asking you to avoid her. I don't think that would be possible anyway. And-- I don't want to lose you, either.
[Since realistically, taking Lumine somewhere far away in the land of Nippon where he'd never see his friends from Teyvat again is really the only means he'd have of ensuring she'd never remember. But just the thought of that is too sad to seriously consider.]
Just... I don't know if she ever would, but if she ever asks... if her memories ever start coming back... don't say anything about it to her. Not about Khaenri'ah, or the Abyss Order, or... anything they're involved with.
The only reason I remembered finding her on Teyvat at all is because I was talking about her with someone. And the memories just suddenly came back to me, as if I had gone and come back from Teyvat and experienced all that lost time in an instant. If that happened to her... I wouldn't even know what to expect.
no subject
[He said it matter of fact, it was the truth. He may have been accused a lying a lot in his life, especially when that in itself was a truth, but he knew went to be honest. When it benefited him rather than hindered him. It may hurt Aether's feelings to know that Kaeya would have continued on with his secret for some time yet, but it was to also give context.
Aether didn't need to ask him to not talk about Khaenri'ah or the Abyss Order because he generally wouldn't.]
My apologies if that was harsh.
no subject
[--is what he says, but he does pull away, sitting upright with his hands neatly folded in his lap.]
I guess... I'm just panicking a little. And trying to find something I can do to just-- keep things the way they are.
no subject
The truth hurt and this is why he rarely told it. Either he hurt himself or he hurt others. He hated this, but what Aether was saying was something that he couldn't let Aether believe.]
You can't. And it will be much worse for you if she finds out you intentionally tried to keep it from her.
no subject
[The words are-- half-hearted. It's not like he disagrees with Kaeya, after all.]
If the end result is going to be losing her either way... then I'd rather it be while protecting her from something painful. Even if it means lying to her.
no subject
[Because he truly didn't know. Kaeya had the same predicament not four years ago when Crepus died and he decided to come clean to his brother. What he did had consequences. He could have continued on with the lie, only to be found out later and disowned by Diluc or come clean and get disowned by Diluc. Despite their recent truce, Kaeya wasn't sure if the result would have been any different had he waited until Diluc had enough time to grieve.
Aether was going to have to figure out when and if he can tell Lumine.]
But it sounds like you've made your decision. Just be prepared for the inevitable. Besides, the secret your keeping is not quite like mine, I'm sure she'll understand.
[It was the only hope he could give Aether.]
no subject
I... should probably get back to her now. If I'm gone too long, she might come looking for me.
[There's a smile on his face when he looks down at Kaeya -- but the blue has long since faded out of his hair.]
Thanks again for coming out all this way. I'll... see you around?
no subject
He nodded, but he didn't rise from his spot. He lifted his hand in a wave, a smile on his face that didn't reach his eyes and was at fake as all could be. His usual mask for a time like this.]
See you.
[If he was certain a bar was still open, Kaeya would probably go get himself a drink or three. As it were, he stayed where he was.]
no subject
[As Aether makes his way back, boarding the train back to where he's been temporarily staying with Lumine, he plays their conversation in his head over and over again, trying to figure out when it went wrong. It was the very start, wasn't it? When Aether said he already knew of Kaeya's heritage. Or was it when he mentioned Lumine's missing memories? Or maybe the conversation was just doomed from the start?]
[Maybe he should have never opened up about himself at all--]
[The pain that surges through his chest is so sudden and so painful, that he doesn't even realize that he was screaming. It felt like his heart was being torn in half, and in an instant, he's flat on his back as concerned passengers circle around him to ask if he's okay. But just as quickly as it struck, it was over. And all Aether was left with was a distinct emptiness in heart.]
[Ah... he knows this feeling. That's twice now he's severed a bond in Nippon. He really wasn't very good at this, was he?]
[He picks himself and dusts off his clothes. And then quietly makes his return to their room, falling into bed and into a dead sleep.]
no subject
He sighed, his mind still wandering back to the conversation instead of the intended distraction he wanted. This was the very reason he hated telling the truth. Someone always got hurt. Usually himself, but this time it was Aether and--
Kaeya abruptly curled up, clutching his chest as the pain struck him hard with a sharp cry. But, it seemed to end almost as soon as it began, leaving a horrible emptiness behind.
He didn't understand what had happened, as this was the first time a bond had broken with him. But he had a feeling it had to do with Aether. He carefully uncurled himself, flopping back onto the grass. The stars blurred as tears welled up as well and he cursed.
He had a call to make, he wasn't going to be able to go back home like this.]